It seems that the line between inappropriate and acceptable is increasingly blurred. But, sometimes you just know, you have that gut feeling, that visceral reaction . . .
Like when I was in 8th grade and the "computer teacher" would go around and massage the girls' shoulders in the class . . . or maybe the time I was working overseas in an office an a co-worker insisted on caressing my face everyday . . . or the incident a few years ago when I was cornered in a dentist's office at 29 years of age, feeling the same way I did in that computer lab when I was 13 years old.
I get it, these are all in the past and maybe I should just get over it but, the point is that inappropriate behavior is so common. It happens everyday and it's not questioned, it's not addressed, and it's not put in its place.
Although it's a topic we don't want to hear much about, we say volumes with our silence. It is a denial of problem itself and an acquiescence that ultimately says: "it's ok."
Unfortunately, the same behavior happens in the university with the line being crossed and students feeling as if they can say nothing of it. I witnessed the same inappropriate behavior and power dynamic at play a few weeks ago when I saw the same 8th grade computer lab shoulder massaging. Only this time, it was from a university professor and the girl wasn't in 8th grade, she was an undergraduate. Regardless, of the age . . . the power dynamic is the same and the behavior is just as inappropriate.
For me, saying nothing is also wrong. It leads us down the slippery slope where victims are blamed and responsibility is misplaced.
Through the unquestioned participation in events and behaviors that accept the degradation of women, we promote injustice, and make the inappropriate acceptable. We're not talking about the degradation of women through pornography (which is a topic I will leave to another time) here, where we can remain disconnected from victims, but the degradation of ourselves, our values, and our future through the refusal to recognize these behaviors and correct them when we see it.
For university administrators, the refusal may be even greater . . . often an all out denial of the rape culture on many campuses, and in the worst cases, the perpetuation of this culture by pushing it further underground, by silencing victims for fear of legal reprisal. To read more on this see:
Boston Globe's: For Colleges, Rape Cases a Legal Minefield
Think about it and the next time you're silent about such inappropriate behavior, ask yourself why you're not speaking up . . .
Please see the inspiration for this blog entry below.
~~~~~
http://blogs.lt.vt.edu/matheisc/2012/10/27/cattle-yards-parties-rape-culture-and-patriarchal-self-deception/
Cattle Yards: Parties, Rape Culture, and Patriarchal Self-Deception.
No one wants to be known as a buzz-kill, right?
I do not recall where or when I first learned about what is sometimes
referred to as “cow herding,” “cattle yards,” and “cattle farming,” but
there are various terms for similar situations. These terms refer to
the acts involved in setting up social environments in which women are
systematically coerced so as to become vulnerable and available for
sexual assault. Cattle yards are endemic to a rape culture in which
consent is slowly replaced with meticulously conditioned
micro-cultures. In these settings, typically setup with bizarre
precision, men psychologically manipulate women into compromising
situations that seem safe.
The phenomenon has often been associated with fraternity events or
other gatherings organized primarily by men. The terms of the
environment, usually a party, are carefully setup using a range of
criteria. These can include: sexually suggestive themes, making alcohol
and other controlled substances free for women (men must pay or supply
their own), monitoring the “ratios” of guests according to sex/gender to
make sure that women are in ample supply (a large enough “herd”), and
compulsory “party games” intended to lure women into progressively
sexualized situations. Cattle farming situations are likely to be posed
as playful, whimsical, or a time to “cut loose.”
The diabolical framing of cattle yards is often hard to identify
precisely because the people who organize them know intricately well how
rape culture works. The organizers may or may not be fully conscious
of their participation in rape culture, per se, but they have been
educated on a daily basis in how to ignore their complicity in the
social norms that grant them access to sex.
The belief system that might best be called patriarchal
self-deception (to borrow from Samuel Johnson) plays upon men and women,
though differently and with different consequences. Men ignore the
*patterns* of ongoing participation in cattle yards and focus instead on
the occasional *instances* in which they might have actually taken a
position against sexual assault. Rather than compare themselves to men
who persistently work against patterns of a rape culture, the organizers
of cattle yards compare themselves to men who have figured out how to
rationalize their participation. In this belief system, men may also
deceive themselves by conflating their ability to talk about rape
culture with their actual commitments to resist participating in it.
It is not accidental that some of the people who are most effective
at setting up the situations are the men who would otherwise be able to
intelligently describe a rape culture. In college and university
settings there are intellectually savvy men who have figured out how to
talk abstractly and academically about rape culture, who can appear
concerned with preventing sexual assault, while organizing and
participating in its evolving formations “after hours.”
Guests invited to cattle yards sometimes know what to expect, and
sometimes they do not. Some guests externalize the responsibility to
the event hosts or organizers, telling themselves they are free of
culpability for merely “showing up.” Participation without
responsibility poses the possibility of sexual encounters that someone
else has helped to engineer, and some guests need only arrive and select
from the stock in the corral.
Recently, I received an invitation to a party on Facebook. Here is an excerpt from that invitation:
—
The 2012 [location] Halloween Party: Inappropriate Costume Theme
Here’s the lowdown on the RULES and what we mean by INAPPROPRIATE as
there was some confusion about the original description . . .
RULES:
- Ratios matter, invite accordingly.
- If you are a dude who was invited by one of the [location] roommates, just come.
- If you bring uninvited dudes with you, please bring a cheap $8
bottle of your favorite liquor (we will have kegs and mixers) to add to
our bar on behalf of your group.
- Be of age so we don’t have to worry about cops, unless you are ridiculously attractive
- If you are outside during the party, please be quite so we don’t have to worry about cops
INAPPROPRIATE for women is easy if you take the “inappropriately
sexy” route, however adding an accessory to any costume is an easy way
to get creative (ex: a nurse… who smokes all night)
INAPPROPRIATE for men is reverse. For most of us that means adding an
accessory (ex: vampire with ‘HIV Positive’ sign), but if you really
want to go big, be inappropriately sexy (aka show too much skin)
This is the fourth year of the now infamous [location] Halloween
Party, dare to miss the only themed Halloween party in [location] at
your own risk.
—
It can be easy to misread or mistake the terms of cattle yards from
within a society permeated by “binders” of false beliefs about sexual
assault, rape culture, and sexist coercion. In fact, that is the goal.
Because cattle yards are designed to fly under the radar and avoid
detection, they are also highly effective at luring in and preying upon
unsuspecting victims.
Those who call attention to cattle yards are typically written off as
reactionary, and are criticized for overreacting to what is just “a
little fun and games.” This is an appeal to the “boys will be boys”
excuses.
No one wants to be labeled a “cock blocker,” right? Unless that may be exactly what it takes to counteract the cattle yards.
Far worse, women (and sometimes also men) who are sexually exploited
and coerced are typically dismissed or compelled to feel as if they are
being reactionary for trying to protect themselves or for trying to exit
the environment. The hosts are typically dismissive of complaints of
harassment, intimidation, and coercion, and it is common for men to
touch or physically proposition women aggressively, and repeatedly. By
the time women figure out what is going on they are often in positions
where resistance is physically or socially condemned as prudish.
Moreover, many women explain after the fact that they did not realize
at the time how they were being persistently manipulated into taking on
a perspective that their equality of status with men was assured and,
therefore, they were in no danger. This may be why cattle yards are so
effective at providing men access to sexual interactions with women.
The seemingly open and up front terms of the invitation to cattle
yards can lure people into the false sense that the situation is
progressively sex-positive. The reality is that the sex-positive ideas
are co-opted into the seemingly flirtatious announcement, and this one
of the strategies for placating the intuitions people have about rape
culture.
Following the distribution of the announcement above, I ended up in
conversations with several women who were deeply unsettled by it. The
most troubling aspect of the conversations was how all of us had the
typical reactions – doubting our intuitions and feeling like we might be
overreacting.
Some women feel compelled to defend the hosts, to downplay the
allegations made against a cattle yard, and even act to protect men
against these criticisms.
The reality check on rape culture comes with this kind of self-doubt
most of the time. And it can be an important piece of evidence. If you
have to do a lot of work to push away the intuitions, that tells you
something. If you have to work very hard to frame an argument about your
intuitions, that also tells you something.
The social engineering of cattle yards is one among a variety of
different forms of a rape culture that uses various individual aspects
of our thoughts and feelings to work against us as an overall strategy.
Respectively, the individual pieces seem harmless or barely problematic
when taken one by one or even a few at a time.
The reality is that they are worked together into a scheme in which
“no” is already unthinkable, and the likelihood of giving and asking
consent is to remain distorted.
What we may typically think of as “respect” and “consent” in a rape
culture has to be critically revised. The choice of women to give in to
sexual advances in cattle yards cannot count as consent. Borrowing
from Enrique Dussel, to seek mutual respect is to do all that one can to
setup situations in which another person can say “no.” Rather than
setting up situations in which another person is more and more likely to
give in or give up, the aim of someone seeking respect is to have a
clear conscience that they have done what they can to make sure someone
else can decline or opt out. This kind of respect is the basis of
legitimate consent. Men who respect women would seek to setup or foster
situations in which the ability to say no is brought about by conscious
and continuous patterns of effort.
For more information:
